I’ve decided to get back to the gym to work on my body and make me feel better about myself I plan to go twice a week possibly three times a week if childcare is possible. It works out £5 per session but can’t afford membership as it’s not always guaranteed I’ll have the money to go.
I’m going to do 30 sit ups a night and work my number each night up by ten or twenty and I’m going to cut out my treats and try to get my five a day.
I don’t want to loose weight (probably need too!) but want to tone badly as my stomach looks bigger than my boobs at the minute!
Will upload my measurements on Tuesday and will check it weekly
Wish me luck!
Today we went to Legoland in Windsor just Tom, Ethan and myself it was an amazing day very tiring but enough to do for a 20 month old to keep us busy 11-4 (park opens 10.30-6). Ethan’s now asleep at 7.25 so it must of been exhausting! It’s lovely to have days out when you can enjoy each other’s company and try and relax (relax with a 20 month old!?). In my opinion it always brings us closer but there is always the thought in my head of he would rather be with his daughter which I’m pretty sure is true on the most part who wouldn’t want to be with their child!
We spoke and laughed and got pretty wet on rides but it was a good day and thanks to the sun it wasn’t expensive at all!
Next year I hope we can take both kids but who knows what will happen in a year!
Now where’s my bed I’m exhausted!
Today I watched the episode on BBC 3 called “Murdered by my boyfriend” its an insight into the real subject of abuse in relationships. I’ve been told by many friends not to watch it as its very hard hitting and tear jerking but as usual I didn’t listen and I watched it whilst Ethan was with his dad.
It was a tad too close to home for me as in my past relationship it was abusive both physically and mentally and this has left me with many scars and it made finding a new partner incredibly hard as I couldn’t leave the house and go meet someone at the pub as I was pregnant but also because I was scared of my own shadow I spent a lot of time at home or at work because I knew he couldn’t get me there. I still feel sick and get panicky when I think of bumping of into him even though we are both in new relationships and he actually did the counselling.
He says he’s a new person but I always worry that the next girl will get the same treatment as I did and the same abuse, I wish I had reported it and I wish I had been brave enough to leave when I first found out I was pregnant so he didn’t find out. I worry that he might get cross with Ethan and that he might one day be too heavy handed.
That program brought tears to my eyes because I realised that could have been me so many times he tried to crash the car or not get off the train tracks yet nobody believed me and still don’t because he was always the perfect boyfriend when we were out. The only people who know what it feels like to be at the end of his punches are his parents but still they pull the wool over, as he’s their little boy.
My son will know the truth about his dad and what he put me through because I don’t want him thinking he’s some superman and some idol because my son will not grow up like him and he will be a proper gentleman who wouldn’t ever raise his hand to a women or a child. He will be raised right and I would advise anyone to watch this program because it will open your eyes what happens behind closed doors and what you can look for in a friend that might be getting abused.
The past is the past but it always affects your present and I’m very lucky because Tom has accepted my past and how it affects me now and he knows when to give me a hug and not to ask what is wrong.
Not everyone who is abused is open about it afterwards its taken me 2 years to even admit it to people let alone accept it.
How do you say scones?
I tried to make some today and they didn’t rise well and they had bit too much flour but I liked them and Ethan approved too! They were even tastier with butter and jam :)
I will try again with a different recipe as apparently they are better with plain flour and baking powder than self raising wise words from my mother after I baked them!!
Today I decided to challenge myself and make a “bum loaf” which is a recipe by Jo Wheatley which can be found here!!
We don’t eat much white bread in this house so it is a treat for us!
It wasn’t as straightforward like when you bake cupcakes and lots of stopping and starting but easy to do around jobs if you will be in all day!
Our bread needed five minutes longer as was slightly doughy (is that a word?) still but it’s edible and good with butter! It got Ethan’s seal of approval but next time I do it I will make rolls I think or two loaf tins worth as it is rather large (needed a bigger tin!).
Go on give it a go I dare you ;)
Proving seriously takes forever
I also forgot to slice the top oops!!
Have you ever been so tired you’ve burst into tears? Ever felt like you just want to sleep and for everyone to shut up and for those chores and bills to disappear?
Yes this is me at the moment ever since little one came back from his dads he won’t sleep in his bed or anywhere that I’m not! I should be flattered but when you can’t sleep because your hungry and have a hot and sticky toddler attached to you it’s not easy!
I’m used to skipping dinner when I have Ethan as he turns off the oven and can’t be trusted whilst I’m cooking but this is a new level!
No sleep unless he’s with me and right now I want to sit and cry. To be honest I I don’t think the tears would stop I have dishes to load and unload, cleaning to do, washing to put away and washing to put on and plenty of dishes to be cleaned let alone five minutes to finish a penpal letter that I started yesterday and I feel utterly exhausted and need a hug.
When you next see a mummy friend just give her a hug don’t say you look like **** just smile and give her a hug it might make me feel that bit better!
All I want is a cuddle and for someone to help me with some of my household chores at least!
This morning I read this great piece about being a lonely mama. Many people say to me how can you be lonely you have Ethan with you all the time and yes this is true but once he’s gone to bed and it’s all quiet it’s a lonely time one that I would love to be cuddling up to tom but unfortunately it’s very rare to find time for us to see each other between him working, going to the gym, seeing his little girl and everything else in our lives. The room can be full on people and everyone can still feel lonely even if they don’t admit it.
Here’s the link below it’s worth a read for any mama sure you will relate in one way or another !
are you lonely original post</a
Remember that one text saying hello can make someone’s day when they are lonely, upset or just feeling meh!
When kids are involved a relationship will never be straightforward both Tom and I have children of around the same age Tom spends a fair bit of time around Ethan as I have him most of the time bar one or two days a week. I haven’t met his little girl yet but I don’t mind we have plenty of time for that and I want him to feel comfortable with me around his child. Anyway back to subject! When kids are involved it’s not as simple as let’s go down the pub in the evenings or even making plans for the weekend isn’t easy as he’s only free 1 out of 4 weekends but we manage he comes over in the evenings and sees us and I would like to think he enjoys his time with Ethan and doesn’t see him as a burden.
Does having children from past relationships put a strain on your present relationship?
I suppose it can but with our children only being toddlers there is no hatred or bad words being uttered to the new partner just acceptance and in my case Ethan always saying Tom since he has learnt it and when he isn’t around an oh slowly follows it when he can’t be found. The way Ethan looks at Tom is just full of excitement and enjoyment as they play trains or mess around and I am glad Ethan as that male interaction in his life even if it only lasts a few months it’s a few months I didn’t think he would get in our household.
I try my hardest to be mum and dad but sometimes a man is needed when you can’t quite get the train track together or when you can’t lift Ethan above your waist enough to do planes as he killed your back when he made you walk at 0.5mph to the shops and back ( which happens often!)
Happiness in our house is at an all time high and I’m hoping it sticks around long enough for me to meet his little girl one day!
Meeting your boyfriends friends is a big thing his friends are his world usually and he cares what they think about his girlfriend in most cases. The other weekend we went for a meal with one of his close mates from work bit of a double date and nervous wasn’t the word for it! I was stressing all day and week about my outfit and making sure I looked alright and made a good first impression on both his friend and the partner!
The night went well and the food was lovely! The conversation was mostly between the men about their work and usual man things but I didn’t mind as I was incredibly nervous. I’m hoping if I meet his other close friends i can be a bit more relaxed now I know one of them approves at least!
Two months in and I haven’t messed it up yet and even got his work friend on the site to try it out 😊
My new health kick is infused waters instead of my all fizzy drink habit recently! I’m still allowing myself the odd fizzy drink but not a 1.5l a day more like a 500ml bottle once a week!
So far I’ve tried
strawberry and lemon,
strawberry and lime,
Cucumber, mint and lime
All very yummy put into a cup/mixer/pitcher with cold water and the optional ice cubes. The ones with mint I’ve had to strain or I end up eating it!
These are full of vitamins and health benefits and are also very pretty look on my Instagram for pictures (@mummy_megan_xx)
They last 24 hours or so I’m told and they are at their strongest after 6 hours but for weak flavouring it can take only half an hour how fab!
Ethan loves them too so he gets his vitamins too. Bonus!
This is strawberry and lime after a day in the fridge ready for once Ethan’s in bed!
So far so good, now who’s for a cold drink?