Today I applied for a writing job for a local paper, it’s only one article in the paper for a mummy related column but I did it I applied!!
Have you ever tried to study or write a paper whilst a two year is shouting yum yums and your humming the peppa pig theme tune to yourself even though it’s not even on?
That’s my life and when I imagined being 21 I never thought It would be. I thought of drinking and traveling but I wouldn’t change it… Or maybe I would change the temper tantrums for something a bit quieter and the written exams for shopping but that’s life!
A life with a toddler is never quiet and he showed that to everyone in sainsburys this weekend whilst having a full melt down as he wasn’t allowed a pork pie and then shouting for money at random strangers, if you shop in bishops stortford your bound to have heard my son before you see him, (quickly followed by me saying no!) he’s just too loud and he seems to turn the volume up in the public, but don’t all children?
Ethan has a habit of asking strangers for random things and at two years old he doesn’t know any different no matter how times you say no, he will hear you open a bag of crisps even if your in a different room or a store and don’t even try to open a money box without him asking for money this little boy has no limits and it amuses everyone he meets!
Have you ever been that parent who is running around the town park like a headless chicken chasing your children and then suddenly they stop dead still because they have heard a choo choo ? Yeah that’s us he loves the trains and no matter where we are in bishops stortford he can hear a plane or a train or the buses!
This works to my advance as you can often see us on our doorstep waiting for a plane to go over or a bus to go pass just to keep him amused! I’ve been told by my old upstairs neighbours that they can hear Ethan shouting bus before they can even see it or hear it themselves.
Two days are never the same in our household but I can guarantee my patience for peppa pig is rapidly decreasing each day!
Panic attacks is the term that most people think is an excuse for being awkward or not wanting to go out and just say at home. I can say it’s not mine started when I was pregnant and in the middle of a bus journey home from the hospital I suddenly felt sick, the world was closing in, I had a tight chest and I knew I had to get off the bus but I couldn’t we were ages away from home and currently on a strip with no pavements and no bus stops. Luckily I had my mum with me and after that I didn’t have them for a while.
I worried every time I went on a bus alone that it might happen and it never did until lately.
My panic attacks are back and much worse, everyone thinks it’s an attention thing I can tell you it’s really not and they usually happen when I’m alone without Ethan to focus on.
I was with Ethan and my dad and it happened and this was only this weekend. I got short tempted, hot and cold and just wanted to hide and the knot kept tightening but as soon as I left the town centre I calmed down and it went but I can feel them coming that tight knot forms in my stomach, I feel like someone is always behind me and grabbing me and squeezing until I pop.
I’ve been told I can’t have tablets as it’s not bad enough but the doctors don’t live with it. I don’t want to rely on tablets at all but lately I can’t control it. I can tell they are coming the smallest thing can set it off even too many cars going past or someone who looks like an ex or even the car they used to have. I can get myself home but my vision goes tunnelled, I feel sick and tight chest and I suddenly sweat a lot and I find music helps to get me home but how someone can say I’m faking it and doing it for attention baffles me why would I do that? If I wanted attention I could do so many other things.
This is a mental illness and many don’t bother to notice and the doctors don’t help when they say there is nothing they can do.
I hate that knot in my stomach, I hate the feeling of worrying and panic every time I go out alone and now it’s creeping into when I have Ethan too. Nobody knows the battle your fighting when nobody asks or cares.
I’m here and I care.
Your never alone.
I have been penpalling since January but I now have over 50! I also do swapbot and Postcrossing too which both take up time and money but I just love it! It’s so nice to get happy mail in the form or letters and postcards sometimes even parcels full of goodies. The people in these communities are lovely I met all my penpals from Instagram but searching the hashtag of #penpalswanted and a few I’ve met on swapbot (link above on swapbot). Some say it’s a werid hobby or a expensive one but it’s only expensive if you choose it to be and who has any right to say it’s werid? I openly admit I’m geeky so what?! We all have our quirks and I love mine.
I recently started up my own website too selling the handmade envelopes I started making for penpal letters and washi tapes too which all snail mailers know is a staple. Mimi Makes is the name and I’m hoping to get more stock on there soon! Take a look and share it about please I would love to make a sale as all orders come with a gift 🎁
Why not try snail mail for yourself?
You may just get addicted
Today I made something random and I love it! I made a crayon roll so I can take Ethan’s crayons when we go to appointments and on holiday (cannot wait!!).
I follow this website to make it and this is how it turned out ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
I wish I had made it two to three inches longer as I couldn’t fit three crayons in but that’s because we had a box of 18 from the 99p store! Live and learn ah? So don’t spend loads of money on one make one 😊
If any of you follow my Instagram you will of seen my finished baby quilt after nearly two years. It was a love hate relationship but for my first quilt I don’t mind it and now just have to sew the bottom where I turned it inside out if I can do it anyone can! Just make your blocks bigger than I did as vest and tshirt material will stretch!!!
Everyone bangs on about sausage Casserole in a slow cooker so I went to try it and it was DISGUSTING ! I have now found out this was due to the jarred sauce I had used as it had anchovies in it which make me heave!
If you want to try it you may like it then buy this sauce ⬇️
If your like me and a casserole Virgin this is how you do it
Add sauce to slow Cooker turn on warm if you have this function.
Fry your sausages to give them some colour and less of a unerect penis look (you will agree with me if you don’t do it!) Once they are coloured and cooked like this ⬇️
Then add them to the sauce (try not to add the fat) and turn onto low for 6 -7 hours or 4-5 on high ⬇️
And There you go I wiped my down of sauce and added plenty of ketchup and made sausage sandwiches I won’t be attempting casserole again!
Being a parent isn’t just about days out and spending money. It isn’t just about being there one a week or twice a week it’s about all the little things like cutting down their finger nails and brushing their teeth.
It’s about being the one they want when they are poorly and the one they want at 2am. Being there part time or some of the time might be the only option for some parents but it does take more than just seeing them, it takes the effort to care about the smaller things and those are the things they will remember. They will remember when they were really poorly and you stayed up all night with them telling them stories and giving them cuddles. They won’t remember the price of the latest bike when it’s broken or got a puncture. Children don’t care about how much cash you splash they care about love and kindness!
Today I did the challenge one of my penpals nominated me after I thought i had got away with it! It’s cold I look a mess and very chubby and I did it in my pjs with my ex boyfriends dad filming it and Ethan watching but it’s for charity and I will donate when I get paid as right now I only have 50p to my name!
I can’t seem to post it on here so it’s on my youtube channel at MsMeganEllen check it out will post a direct link when it’s uploaded !
MY ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE
I nominate all of you x
When a relationship ends it creates upset for everyone even the person doing the dumping but I feel that it must happen for a reason so if it can be a friendly break up that’s the bests way. Tears were shed and things said but when your still facebook friends surely that means it wasn’t too bad ah?
So back to plenty of fish it was and yes coming across his profile wasn’t exactly the best feeling in the world but we are both adults (apparently!) so I shrug it off.
It’s amazing who comes out the wood work when you become single and who suddenly takes an interest again and it makes you realise who is just fair weather friends or just wanting sex?!
Becoming single again has made me realised that I need to focus on me, (and Ethan but that’s a given!) I’ve got back into the gym and am now going three times a week and you can already see the difference in the photo below or at least I can.
I have got my head down and focusing on my university course that I start I’m October and I’ve opened an online store for my handmade envelopes that I use for my penpals letters as I always get such good compliments on them. Hopefully that will bring in some small pennies to spend on Ethan on our holiday in October.
Finally I will say this
I’ve decided to get back to the gym to work on my body and make me feel better about myself I plan to go twice a week possibly three times a week if childcare is possible. It works out £5 per session but can’t afford membership as it’s not always guaranteed I’ll have the money to go.
I’m going to do 30 sit ups a night and work my number each night up by ten or twenty and I’m going to cut out my treats and try to get my five a day.
I don’t want to loose weight (probably need too!) but want to tone badly as my stomach looks bigger than my boobs at the minute!
Will upload my measurements on Tuesday and will check it weekly
Wish me luck!